Home > Basketball > The NBA Offseason, more Botox than Surgery…

The NBA Offseason, more Botox than Surgery…

Last year around this time I vomited out 7,500 words on the NBA also rans and what they could do to improve in the offseason.  Needless to say, I had to swat away NBA GM offers like a kid swats away candy.  Buoyed by this success, I wanted to do something similar this year, but I ran into three problems:

  • The Summer of LeBron this is not…
  • Crossing your fingers to get… Kyrie Irving?
  • The NBA, what’s the NBA?

If you look at Chad Ford’s list of the top free agents (insider) for this coming offseason, it lacks a little of what we like to call talent.  The best free agent on the board was Carmelo Anthony, but he’s now committed to New York.  That leaves Tim Duncan, but who believes that he’ll be testing the market?  The next best players are Nene and David West, of course they both have options and West’s going to miss half the year.  Marc Gasol leads the restricted free agents and he’ll definitely garner interest, but a) he’s a restricted free agent, and b) his name is Marc, not Pau.  The top free agent might actually be Zach Randolph, who has been very good for two straight years, but yikes, that’s a risky dude to tether your franchise to.  So, yeah, this year lacks some of the luster of last year and it lacks some of the luster that next year’s class will have.

Likewise, the draft is also lacking that impact player.  Kyrie Irving is good, but he’s not on that Chris Paul – Derrick Rose level.  Add to that that several top prospects are skittish about entering the draft this year, and you have what might be the weakest draft since 2000.  If Derrick Williams and Harrison Barnes end up declaring, the draft outlook will improve, but we’re still not talking about a super stacked lottery.

Which finally brings us to the biggest downer of all… the impeding lockout.  I don’t really want to waste too much time thinking about this until I absolutely have to, but it seems pretty likely that the NBA is headed for a lengthy work-stoppage.  For all the bluster around the NFL, I still find it hard to imagine that we wont have football at some point this year.  There’s just too much money to be made by everyone.  Sure, the owners want a little more of it – shocking – but when there’s a billion dollar pie, why let it rot on the counter?

The NBA, seemingly, is not as robust.  The rumors are that multiple teams are losing money and clearly the owners need protection from themselves (cough-joejohsnon-cough).  So, unfortunately it seems like tonight and tomorrow we might be watching our last regular season basketball for a while… a long, long while.  Thus, it’s hard to want to spend time making over teams, if the next time you see them, that makeup will have faded and run into an Alice Cooper mask.

Still, where’s the fun for fans of the Wolves, Wizards, Raptors and (gulp) Suns?  With the season mercifully ending, all we can dream of is some drastic improvement to our squad.  So, even though it might be futile and the cosmetic improvement will be more botox than surgery, I’ll spend the next couple of weeks looking at a few of these cellar dwellers and how they can improve.  There’s is, after all, a lot of baseball to be watched these days, my fingers might as well be doing something…


  1. Gordon Bishop
    April 15, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Next couple of weeks? Easy there big guy, don’t want to give yourself a real deadline or anything…
    No comments on league contraction?
    The only team this year that I would not bother to watch, unless there was no women’s golf on, are (unfortunately) the Toronto Raptors (who the hell is Sonny Weams?)and possibly Charlotte. So contract those two teams, send half the team to the teams who suck, send the rest to the D-League, or to Barcelona for Ricky…not that he’s much better, but he can’t be worse than Johnny Flynn (ouch!)
    See if you can switch David Kahn with Charles Barkley (couldn’t do much worse), okay wait, maybe its better to take a couple of weeks and do this more seriously.

    Some of these teams are the Pittsburgh Pirates. It used to not be so lop-sided.

    And lets all take a moment of wimpering for my Dearly Departed Sacramento Kings. Moving to Anaheim to be the Anaheim mighty Head Cases.

    P.S. – No news on the babies front? No hurries, just curious about when I’ll send you my tuppence of advice…
    Are you still in the wine biz?

  2. April 25, 2011 at 8:37 am

    I know, right and my next couple of weeks estimate seems a little optimistic… To be fair to me, I am in the middle of a practicum, teaching grade 7 and 8s… and while I know that when you were a teacher you could just walk into a classroom and dazzle the kids with your brilliance, us mere mortals have to plan. Lame, I know.

    Ha, some of these teams ARE the PIrates… take Washington, outside of John Wall, look at that roster. Ughhh… they aren’t going to be good again while Obama’s in the White House.

    Contraction though… hhmmm… who would be contracted if the league dumped two teams? This sounds like something worth writing about…

    • Gordon Bishop
      April 25, 2011 at 11:30 am

      Teacher, eh? Congrats. I think that’s a great choice. Subject? The fact is you are brilliant in a charming (and smelly – thanks to Eric) way and the kids will love you.
      Contraction – Timberwolves (only way that K. Love will escape the frosty north- hey what about all those Free-Darko bloggers changing to Free KLove?) and…(it doesn’t seem fair to not contract New Orleans since the rest of the league is paying for them anyway, but they’re a performing team, my god did you see Chris Paul’s line the other night? The other two nights? This goes beyond Allen Iverson’s performance in the Finals against the Lakers when he single handedly beat them (in game 1). He’s unbelievable…

      So that leaves…Sacramento? At least those bastard Maloofs wouldn’t get to move them…

      It should be like the Premier League. Teams that finish last or in the last two of each conference would be demoted to D-League. Then those D-league teams that do better can move up to get creamed like the T-Wolves and Cavs do. Its an idea…

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